Friday, October 06, 2006

Things They Never taught You In Sunday School

Here's a little bed time story...

God made the firmament and the stars and the trees and all the fuzzy little animals ran about.
Then God made man.

Man, being the indiscriminately horny little penis-pounder that he was (is) wanted to get jiggy with it.

No women yet for penis-pounder to pester he set about making nookie with all and every female beast he could find.

horse, dog, zebra, camel, cow, skunk, porcupine, anteater...

"These just don't feel right" man complained to God, "couldn't you make me something my size?"

God went generous and made woman.

Man took woman and tried to get it on

Woman said,

"listen boy, this ain' wo'kin' for me. I gotta get on top 'cause you've obviously no idea how to satisfy a woman. Dis ain' a charity yuh know."

man said,

"God made me first and I say stay on your back!!!"

woman said,

"Back this swine fucker-"

and took off towards the sea.

Man cried

"God the animals don't like it they just chew grass and ignore me, the woman neither - she gave me the finger and flew off ...oh make me another woman that'll lie on her back and I'll give you blood sacrifice forever."

God made Eve

4 Comments:

At 6:36 PM, Blogger Archer said...

Lilith the original feminist?

 
At 8:43 AM, Blogger BIM said...

I was thinking more like
Lilith- the second time in Hebrew History feminine power and sexuality was suppressed and demonized.

 
At 8:52 AM, Blogger Archer said...

quite literal demonized in this case... but second? If Lilith came before Eve then wasn't it the first time?

 
At 10:26 AM, Blogger BIM said...

The first creation story- watery chaos that God neatly organized in his masculine kinda way...
Job 38:8: Or [who] shut up the sea with doors, when it brake forth, [as if] it had issued out of the womb?
The initial Hebrew searing of the uterus.

 

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