Things They Never taught You In Sunday School

Here's a little bed time story...

God made the firmament and the stars and the trees and all the fuzzy little animals ran about.
Then God made man.

Man, being the indiscriminately horny little penis-pounder that he was (is) wanted to get jiggy with it.

No women yet for penis-pounder to pester he set about making nookie with all and every female beast he could find.

horse, dog, zebra, camel, cow, skunk, porcupine, anteater...

"These just don't feel right" man complained to God, "couldn't you make me something my size?"

God went generous and made woman.

Man took woman and tried to get it on

Woman said,

"listen boy, this ain' wo'kin' for me. I gotta get on top 'cause you've obviously no idea how to satisfy a woman. Dis ain' a charity yuh know."

man said,

"God made me first and I say stay on your back!!!"

woman said,

"Back this swine fucker-"

and took off towards the sea.

Man cried

"God the animals don't like it they just chew grass and ignore me, the woman neither - she gave me the finger and flew off ...oh make me another woman that'll lie on her back and I'll give you blood sacrifice forever."

God made Eve