National Pride Unfeathered

Rumours of replacement pelicans to a pond of the north have helped to ease the sorrow of last week's pelican murder.

Dear Little School Boys

I know hitting birds with rocks is second nature for your prepubescent little brains but let me make a small suggestion.

Hit a few black birds (they scared the crap outta my Koko), a wood dove maybe (I've hit a few with my car), hell come to my yard where the big boys get off shooting those foul shitting pigeons with riffles.
Or hey, hit an egret- they spread ticks. Or a chicken- a chicken's good- we can eat it after.
But please, please leave the pelicans.
It's a national embarassment to kill our only single solitary national bird at home base.
Now that Pelys cousins have come to mourn him- leave them be. Use those rocks and that testosterone to lick down a few cocks instead. I know plenty that could use a good whack to the head.

Thanking you in advance for your kind consideration.