Back Away From the Zonkey

On Sunday we attempted the challenge of a 3 boy outing to family funday at the Garrison inclusive of free admission, expired colouring books and four star hotel body lotion. As soon as I saw Alex my blog flashed before me and I knew I just had to touch him so I could brag. The sign said he was the one of a kind phenomenon and the stripped legs confirmed his legitimacy. I approached the gate coyishly making kisses and eye contact... reached out my hand as his nose came ever so near and then... "Ma'am he WILL NOT COME TO YOU! Please BACK AWAY from the cage and DO NOT attempt to touch him." The Zonkey police meant business. I picked up my shame and retreated to the angry geese who were stretching to bite Ocean's bottom. Atleast I was an inch away without driving for 3 quarters of an hour, trecking through a cart road, knocking out some old boards, scaling the barbed wire, avoiding being mauled by dogs or shot for trespassing for a 50 yard oggle . For that Zonkey drama you'll need to ask the Lydmeister.

Don't Judge A Child By His Report Card

Why did I ever care what my report card said? The one sentence comment speaks more than all the grades and subject evaluations. Like when Oswald gave the kid caught cheating the comment "works well with others".
Now that my son carries home a repot I get to truly understand how asinine those progress charts can be. For example. Last school year IZ started out satisfactory in knowing the names of his class mates. By year end he was outstanding. He certainly was outstanding- he could name all of them first and last and tell you how they're spelt.
This year- term 2 already and he's back to getting satisfactory as though he's forgotten their names though the class hasn't changed. Meantime, driving home with IZ BIZ he shouts every kid (not just his classmates) he sees by their name and nick name. A ten year old passes by IZ shouts in rank Bajan form "Yeh Jerome- A'right Boo Boo!" and BooBoo responds "Safe, IZ"
There are 120 some odd kids in that school and IZ knows almost every one. For five years old -this is only satisfactory, so I guess I 'Need Improvement'. His colours, his numbers, his letters all satisfactory. The boy is reading fluently- common! The only thing it appears IZZY is outstanding in, is knowing his own name and address. At least I can feel confident he'll find his way home.
I know all parents brag but in an attempt to be as objective about my child as I can be, IZ is a cartwheeling brain. Other than his penmenship there is nothing about that boy that is satisfactory.
Needless to say I chucked the report aside and IZ and I got back to quantum physics.

Beware the Zionists

I went to hear a lecture on the Hebraic roots of Christianity knowing full well it was going to be some evangelical tripe without any substance. But tripe is the wrong word. There is a silent movement out there growing bigger and scarier each day. The conservative right wing facist southern United States evangelical movement is not tripe, it's terrifying. Truly. I literally had to drown my nauseatic disgust in 2 glasses of red wine and a handful of smokes at Opa's for a little back in time reunion of my Community College days. Thank God for old friends with foul mouths and sex on the brain. Can I get an Amen? Can I get a Hallelujah?

There's Nothing Like A Protest In BIM

So I'm on my way to work, in a bit of traffic, passing Bussa on my way to the Pine. It would seem that it's the Pine Hill Dairy Workers turn to be on strike today. I was a bit baffled at first because the Dairy is next to the CBC Broadcast Station and my first insinct was that I was missing another CBC car park party. There it was a big group of guys drinking Heineken at 9:30am next to a open backed parked car playing loud music. The placards gave it away but they took a minute to notice because they had been threaded into the barbed wire fence in a long row so that the guys wouldn't have to hold 'em up. I mean common how dey goin t' hold de beer? The mystery of frequent striking in BIM has been solved. Constitutionally approved liming. Can't beat it.

It's a boy!

Michelle had a boy on Sunday 3am 8lb no stiches on all fours in a pool of water. Photos will soon be circulating. Not of Michelle on all fours you perverts.

I read my paper on Thursday to an audience of women and got mixed reviews but general congratulations. My paper was termed "Provocative." The lay people were particularly excited as "we does never hear dem tings in church ya know, as I get home I goin read muh Luke." The theologians in the crowd did not share my analysis but were very positive about the work I was doing ie)heurmenetics of suspicion. The boys who were not there by choice but because they study at the school were more interested in sex than feminism so they got a thrill out of my use of the word hymen and my ex-principal accused me of eisegesis (as opposed to exegesis) suggesting that I read my own interpretation into the text and twisted the text to back up my position. I think he has me confused with someone who actually cares about what is in the text and I think it is very hard for Christians to believe that people could really be that apathetic espeacially when they opt to study theology.
Anyway, I started some real fire in that room which was all they really wanted from me anyhow and I'm going to be published by the Women's Development Unit so any of you who want to read my exe-eisegesis on Women and Sexuality in the Gospel of Luke will have a chance.

The experience was really great and has given me some sense of direction in terms of my scholarship.