Debridement of National Narcissism, Please.

I'm always weary of how much we blame others for the filth in we culcha. The national psyche is a case study for Peck's People of the Lie. But then the nationalism and pride-of-self in Barbados makes it treasonable to even blow on the religious zeal of Bajanism. So we preserve our illusion of paradise by becoming the worst kind of xenophobes. Hypocrites with absolutely no ownership and conscience.

Everything ugly, everything 'sinful', everything stinking of rot, is attributed to outside influence. Smut- it's the Jamaicans. Thieving- it's Guyanese. Racism, Prejudice, Inequality-it's the Brits and slavery. Ruthlessness, Apathy, Greed-Americans and globalization. If it were not for the world beyond the sea we'd be walking with Jesus along the sandy beaches, eating fruit from off the trees and singing Kumbaya. If it were not for MTV and BET and CNN and HBO we'd be freakin' Adam and Eve before the apple.

I say we because I earned my stripes in BIM unlike those who were born into flawlessness but I'm being presumptuous. My navel string is not burried here and so I will always be tainted by my past. In fact, I suppose, I am the enemy robbing you of your cultural perfection-envious of your close proximity to God. And do I sound bitter? How dare I sound so! I can hear it under your breaths... "Why don't you carry your white foreign ass home!"
Only thing- this is home.

This is where I grew into a woman; this is where I bore my child; this is where I learned to think; this is where I surrendered. This is more than twelve years of my life. It's become me.

But twelve years or not, I can't let go of those formative years up north. I can't pretend that my roots aren't elsewhere. And I can't look at this country from inside a rose coloured fish bowl and pretend our shit smells sweeter than everyone else.

We're thieves, racists, backstabbers, liars and cheaters. We're disloyal, uncompassionate, shallow, unforgiving and malicious. Bajans. It's we culcha. And yet despite all these things, I love BIM and I find my way to laughter. I endure year after year with new discovery of how happy I am on this rock. Shit, we're only human. My arms are too full of sins to carry stones.

But this culture HAS to debride itself of the national narcissism that promotes self-deception, guiltlessness and rationalization of evil. This denial of a conscience- this sweeping under the rug has got to stop. We need to take responsibility for our choices, for this island and own it right or wrong. Not because of some divine punishment in the form of a tidal wave impending and not because we won't gain entry into the pearly gates to drink milk and honey with the saints but because we're blessed and we're wonderful and we have so much to be thankful for and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of... except, of course, our disgusting lack of shame.